|Like this gentleman, clearly getting into pose for me to |
But today.... I am sad and lonely in a way that isn't easily fixed.
You see, Since Dec 7th, (the anniversary of a grandfather's death which sticks in my mind even many years after it happened), I have been plagued by odd dreams, dreams of friends and relatives who are dead. (I know I could use a euphemism like passed on, transitioned, in the afterlife etc. but lets face, they are dead. It's not pretty and there is no reason to pretend otherwise by renaming it something friendlier.)
Not people who really are alive and are dead in my dreams but ones that really are dead and they are behaving as if they are alive in my dreams and we talk and I know they are dead at the time.
Surreal. Especially when I consider that I am quite often a lucid dreamer.
Yet even knowing I was in a dream and knowing that I was speaking with a dead person, I continued to have these conversations - some of them sad and disturbing - others heartwarming, because I was fascinated that I was dreaming dead people.
Yes I am weird. If you haven't caught on to that reading my blog, then you are too many bricks short of a load for me to worry about.
So anyways, I am kinda sad. In a Funk. Not depressed so much as missing loved ones that are no longer here and wishing they were. That is one of the few things I truly hate about life - losing people I love. (and others losing people they love too). It hurts, for a long time sometimes.
So I will endeavor to reach for something else - and bring my heart and emotions up into a worshipful place. Maybe I will go wake up the husband and insist that he hug me for awhile.